When presented with the all too daunting and overwhelming question of the “meaning of life,” I always come back to one answer: the pursuit of self-awareness. The above picture is of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, that is our instinctual needs as human beings. It is pretty self-explanatory, and I’m sure you can draw your own meaning from it.

Is it us that change or is it just our surroundings? Do experiences really change us or do they just change how we think about the world? A few of my friends have left to study abroad in the past couple weeks, going everywhere from Paris to Prague to Madrid to Norway. It got me thinking of my Summer in London and the experience I had there.

I definitely gained some confidence and valuable experience in the Design industry, but how much did the experience really change me? I think making the decision to live abroad, getting accustomed to a new culture and becoming familiar with a new city, have all added in parts to my independence. Sometimes, (if this is not true about everything in our lives for certain people), we do things because we want them to change us in some way, or we want to grow somehow from the experience. I went abroad because I wanted to expand my knowledge not only of another culture but also of myself in some sense.

Last night I was chatting with a friend about relationships which eventually turned into a conversation about change, primarily the question whether or not people can change. I’ve always wanted to believe that people can change, but it’s something I’ve battled with for years. Sometimes we want something so badly that we convince ourselves we can change either ourselves or another person involved. What we fail to see however is that change takes time, and we have no control over someone else’s progress and growth, which is independent from our own.

When we finally can realize actually how little control we have over others, it can free us from the burdens of this naive and usually unfulfilled hope. Often times when we love someone, or even when we don’t, we choose to see that person for who we want them to be instead of who they actually are. Similarly, we see ourselves for who we aim to be instead of who we present ourselves as. Just as when we see, what we experience is affected by what we already know and believe to be true.

I’m not saying that there is no hope for change and growth. I am however saying that it is extremely difficult, and a process that takes years if not a lifetime. And I think that’s ok. For in reality, if we started out perfect, where would we have to progress? As humans we are flawed. I think the trick is to recognize those flaws and address them humbly. If we are to love someone fully, we must love them with all of their flaws and accept that they are human.

If we are to change at all in any way, we must be able to look at ourselves for what we truly are, in an honest light. We must then, and not first, be actually willing to change something. As long as we think it is the world around us that needs changing and not us, we will never be able to grow.

(Original piece done by Banksy)

“You have not lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.”

- John Bunyan

I know, I know, again, but there’s something I want to get at here. I already posted on Rihanna’s side of the story, and also Chris’s The Way We Used To Be video he made for RiRi. But this is that last one… I promise. Lots of times we see these things happen and don’t think how they can relate to our own lives. Maybe you haven’t been physically abused, but what about emotionally? What about, has someone ever wronged you? Or have you ever wronged someone you cared about or loved? If you say no, then you’re just not being honest.

Think about a mistake you have made recently. Maybe it’s a new one, or maybe it’s one that has developed into a habit. We’re all human. We make mistakes. Often times, we even make the same mistakes over and over again. Sometimes we learn from them, but usually we don’t. We all live with illusions, both about ourselves and about how others view us. We like to think it is the world around us that needs to change, while we remain the same, because we are terrified to face ourselves. In reality, it is both us and the world around us that needs changing.

While Chris’s “mistake” may be more severe than the slip-ups most of us make on a daily basis, a common principal still holds true. We all have parts of ourselves that we have difficulty coming to terms with and mistakes that somehow we can’t own up to. Often times this is because we may see an action as being “inconsistent” with our perception of ourselves. In response to his mistake, Chris says,

“I’ve come to terms with it, and I’m working on it: being better and [not] doing things like that, because that’s not a characteristic of mine that’s been in the past or right now.”

This is a perfect example of what it really means to “come to terms” with something. Whether he wants to take accountability for that or not, it is on some level, a part of his character. Too often in life, we are allowed to spread the blame of our actions in other directions. Hopefully, the fact that Chris was forced to deal with this situation publicly will help him in the long run when it comes to facing himself and turning the finger of blame inward.

There is a lot of talk in the interview of “being naive,” “owning up,” and “coming to terms.” But words are just that and no more. It’s been 6 months since the incident. Problems like this don’t go away over night and can take lifetimes to change. Chris is human, and his situation is reflective of one that we all face – owning our own destiny. Only time will tell if this truly will be the last “mistake.” But between now and then, maybe it is enough to admit our blunders, take responsibility and be willing to change.

“Change will never happen when people lack the ability and courage to see themselves for who they are.”
- Bryant H. McGill