When presented with the all too daunting and overwhelming question of the “meaning of life,” I always come back to one answer: the pursuit of self-awareness. The above picture is of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, that is our instinctual needs as human beings. It is pretty self-explanatory, and I’m sure you can draw your own meaning from it.

Is it us that change or is it just our surroundings? Do experiences really change us or do they just change how we think about the world? A few of my friends have left to study abroad in the past couple weeks, going everywhere from Paris to Prague to Madrid to Norway. It got me thinking of my Summer in London and the experience I had there.

I definitely gained some confidence and valuable experience in the Design industry, but how much did the experience really change me? I think making the decision to live abroad, getting accustomed to a new culture and becoming familiar with a new city, have all added in parts to my independence. Sometimes, (if this is not true about everything in our lives for certain people), we do things because we want them to change us in some way, or we want to grow somehow from the experience. I went abroad because I wanted to expand my knowledge not only of another culture but also of myself in some sense.

Last night I was chatting with a friend about relationships which eventually turned into a conversation about change, primarily the question whether or not people can change. I’ve always wanted to believe that people can change, but it’s something I’ve battled with for years. Sometimes we want something so badly that we convince ourselves we can change either ourselves or another person involved. What we fail to see however is that change takes time, and we have no control over someone else’s progress and growth, which is independent from our own.

When we finally can realize actually how little control we have over others, it can free us from the burdens of this naive and usually unfulfilled hope. Often times when we love someone, or even when we don’t, we choose to see that person for who we want them to be instead of who they actually are. Similarly, we see ourselves for who we aim to be instead of who we present ourselves as. Just as when we see, what we experience is affected by what we already know and believe to be true.

I’m not saying that there is no hope for change and growth. I am however saying that it is extremely difficult, and a process that takes years if not a lifetime. And I think that’s ok. For in reality, if we started out perfect, where would we have to progress? As humans we are flawed. I think the trick is to recognize those flaws and address them humbly. If we are to love someone fully, we must love them with all of their flaws and accept that they are human.

If we are to change at all in any way, we must be able to look at ourselves for what we truly are, in an honest light. We must then, and not first, be actually willing to change something. As long as we think it is the world around us that needs changing and not us, we will never be able to grow.